Oh dear. It's weird to feel that you owe a bunch of people that you've never met an explanation but, well, here we are.

Well, here I am at least. You might be somewhere else. In fact, now that I think about it, you are definitely somewhere else. If you were here, I probably would have washed my hair today so as to continue the long-held misconception that I have "nice hair." We can't let the internets as a whole figure out that I have average hair.

Oh wait. Unless by "nice," you mean "kind to animals and babies." In which case I totally have nice hair.

So yes. Here I am. In the uncomfortable predicament of having not written in this blog for months and months. You feel that you are owed some sort of an explanation and you might be correct. Yes.

I shall give the explanation in numbered form. That way at the end, I will feel as though I have accomplished something.

1) I had a very very icky patch of sadness because, I think, boys like to make people cry. I can't think of any other explanation as to why they would do some of the terrible things they do otherwise. (Note to people who are going to be pissy about this: I did NOT say that girls do not make people cry. I said that boys do. That is all.) I did not want to write during said sadness-patch, because who wants to read blogs that say "I am saddy sad" over and over and over?

"No one" is the answer to that question.

2) I joined Twitter. Sigh.... I then promptly forgot how to say things that take more than 140 characters.

3) I got the amazing opportunity to submit a writing packet to The Late Show With David Letterman. (Insert joke about interesting timing for a woman to be applying to Letterman here.) That took up about every ounce of funny I had for a few months.

4) I turned into a unicorn and they can't type. Or, rather, it takes FOREVER for them (I mean us) to type with their (our) horns. Twitter is a good medium for unicorns.

5) I got a couple of paid writing jobs. Small ones, not big ones. I just haven't learned how to manage time or balance things. Do other people know how to do this? Could you send me any email detailing how it works, please?

6) I think that might be all the things.

Am I back? I am not sure. But I remain amazed and impressed and honored that any of you even noticed that I wrote and have the faintest idea who I am. I shall try not to take advantage of that fact.

Yes.