A brief quiz: A young Croatian man is gleefully masturbating whilst choking himself with a scarf. His unsuspecting mother walks in just before he, ahem, finishes. Does he:

a) Scream, blush, and prepare for the most awkward Thanksgiving dinner conversation ever;

b) Explain his position by informing her that while his neck was very cold indeed, his penis was, in fact, quite warm and thus needed to be exposed. What seemed to be masturbation was clearly just a complex method of temperature regulation.

c) Kill her.

Clearly the answer is "c" or I would not be writing this. Haven't you MET me?

Now I realize that, much like the Holocaust or any Carlos Mencia joke, murder is something that we're not supposed to laugh at. But murders that happen because someone walked in on a twenty-two year old man, errrr, doing his taxes? This feels way less "angry murder" than it does "scene from 'American Pie.'"

So laugh away. Also, for the love of God, LOCK THE DOOR.