Back in 1628, before there were computers or I-pods or sarcasm, people could hardly imagine the miracle that is flight. Even by using every single part of their brain, they could not envision the fact that a girl named Jill Twiss can now, in 2008, get from New York City to Custer, South Dakota in ONLY TWENTY-ONE HOURS.

Yes, that's true folks. Due to miraculous technological innovations, this very week I was able to leave New York at four o'clock in the not-quite morning, and arrive in South Dakota by 1 am the very next day!!!

If I could suggest an accurate slogan for United Airlines, it would be, "Sure we won't take off on time or land on time, but we'll make up for it by hiring mean customer service agents who try to make it sound like it's your fault!"

Whee.