I need a hug.
No, nothing's wrong. I'm FINE.
It's just that sometimes, well, when you haven't dated anyone in a while....
(I just mean hypothetically, of course. Me? Oh, I date constantly. And hug right and left. It's really remarkable that I don't chafe from all the hugging.")
...well, anyway, IF you haven't dated in a while, it's possible that you could be suffering from lack of hugs. And holdings. And cuddles.
So I'm just gonna come right out and say it:
I could use some casual cuddling.
Call me a whore if you must. But a girl has needs.
You see friends, casual sex does not seem so hard to come by. You can hire a prostitute or use one of the seven billion websites designated for precisely that purpose. They even have mechanical devices for just such things.
But nobody's invented a plastic, vibrating device that will hold you when you're feeling sad.
So...if anyone happens to know a hugstitute....
Well, it's possible that I'd be willing to pay good money for a cuddle-job.