My apartment floor is HOT.

I do not mean that in the complimentary way. When you say, “Man, that girl is HOT,” you probably do not mean that she burns your feet if you don’t wear thick socks when you walk on her. Or if you do mean that, then I would not like to know about it.

I have deduced two possible reasons for the hotness of my floor:

1) There are hot water pipes located under my apartment..

2) I live directly above hell.

Of the two, I think the second seems the most realistic and/or promising.

So if hell happens to freeze over, my feet will be the first to know.