I just joined a new gym.

Not surprisingly, I have concerns:

1) When I signed up for the gym, I got a free t-shirt. The lady at the desk informed me that the t-shirts only come in extra large.

That, I think, does not bode well for the effectiveness of the gym.

2) The gym has an entire row of handicapped parking at the front of the parking lot. The gym itself is on the second floor.

Who, I ask, are the particular handicapped individuals who cannot walk from one side of the parking lot to the other, yet have no problem walking up the stairs to the gym and then doing cardio?

3) Two words: TANNING BEDS. Seriously? Do people still do that?

4) My last gym had only women. So I'm a little concerned about running into giant men and having them scowl at me whilst I move the little thingy on the weight machine from three hundred pounds, down to eleven pounds.

Yes. I feel sure that giant tan men in extra large t-shirts will laugh and laugh at me until I am forced to punch them in the face.

And then they will have to park in the handicapped spots.