Today I shall share with you
An Interesting Thing About Me.
(
If you would not like to know any interesting things about me, please skip to the end of this blog where I might tell you a secret about how to make scads of money without working or thinking or getting off the couch. But probably I won't. )
(Also if you would not like to know any interesting things about me, stop reading my blog. It's chock full of interesting things about me and, frankly, you're bound to run into one sooner or later.)
(No more parentheses in this blog. I promise.)
I do not wear matching socks.
Let me be clear on this point. I do not mean that my socks do not match my pants. Or my shoes. Or my shirt. Or the hearts and minds of children everywhere.
I mean that
my socks don't match each other.
On any given day, my left foot may be adorned in argyle whilst my right foot boasts ballet-dancing hippos.
(I really do have socks with ballet-dancing hippos, mind you. That was not an absurd comedic device. I do not have any comedic-device socks.)
(Sigh...I said I was going to stop using parentheses, didn't I? )
(Well, I can't stop. Parentheses are addictive. If I were an ad exec trying to sell parentheses to the general public, I would suggest the slogan, "Parentheses: They're The Heroin of the Punctuation World!" )
(Also I would get fired. This is because the client would hate the slogan, thinking that I meant that the parentheses would have to be injected into your arms and make you look like Kate Moss. I would then proceed to complain every day to anyone who would listen that I was just too "edgy" for the company and they couldn't handle my "creative genius." Lastly I would cry into my Frosted Flakes, which are likely the heroin of the cereal world.)
You'd think that non-matching socks would make me feel a little off-balance, but it's really quite the opposite.
It's like this: If you had two children, you would not force them to dress the same, would you? Well, unless they were identical twins, in which case
it's ok and even preferred. Children have distinct personalities and must be treated as such.
So it is with feet. At least my feet.
There's a lot of pressure for feet in the world today, what with all the walking and running and toenail-painting that goes on. It is important to me that each foot is free to express itself without WORRYING what all the other feet are wearing nowadays. Conformist feet are not what Jill Twiss is about and you can quote me on that.
"If all the other feet jumped off a cliff, would you?" is a thought-provoking question I would ask my feet. Although, if one foot DID jump off a cliff, the other would probably have to follow because of precarious balance issues.
But the point is that my feet are special and individual and I love them both equally but just in different ways.
Thusly, separate but equal socks for separate but equal feet.
(Also, and-I-don't-want-to-rule-this-out, I might just possibly be too lazy to match up my socks.)Like so many things in my life, there is a thin line between laziness and moral conviction.
