Video games aren't for me.

In video games, people are always punching and kicking each other, picking up prostitutes, and stomping on poor defenseless mushrooms.

And that's just in Frogger.

But me? I'm more of a negotiator than a fighter. Where's the video game for ME?

Where's the game where I can push up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A, and say:

Look, I understand that you're guarding the Princess. But why don't you send your friend Bowser out of the room so we can make a deal. Because, let's be honest, you and I both know that she's probably in another castle.

Then we'd talk about feelings and whether it's because of her difficult relationship with her father and the fact that no one really listens to her that the Princess feels she needs guarding at all.

And THEN we'd stomp on a mushroom.

Heaven.