CRAPPY* THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEK

* This is a pun. You won't get it yet. But later you will. You probably won't laugh, though.

1) A tree branch the size of China fell on my car and shattered the back windshield into ouchy little pieces that will happily cut up your (and by "your," I mean "my") hands.

2) As a super-special added bonus, the rain that caused the tree branch the size of China to fall on my car also filled the back of my now-wide-open-car with tons of smelly rain water. Which, as a fascinating fact, turns terribly quickly into smelly mildew. It's science.

3) The very MINUTE I got the glass replaced on my car, the battery died. Frankly, I think it was jealous of all the attention the back of the car was getting. It was hoping for a "shout-out to the boyz in the hood."

I just don't know what I mean by that.

4) Just when I thought I had the car situation under control, I came home to find that raw sewage** had flooded my apartment. And if you don't enjoy the smell of mildew, I don't recommend raw sewage even a little bit. Raw sewage makes mildew smell like barrels of gingerbread.

Yup. Just like barrels of gingerbread.

** See? There's the pun. You get it? I told you you wouldn't laugh. I commend your good taste.

Ok, that's really all the bad things.

But if one more person tells me, "It could be worse," I shall make them eat their own hair.

Yes, it could be worse. I know there are starving children in Africa, and women who have no civil rights in China, and people who are forced to listen to Britney Spears songs 24 hours a day in Alabama.

I admit that it could be worse.

But it could also be better. MUCH better.

Better how? Here's a thought: NO FREAKIN' RAW SEWAGE in my apartment. That's a way that it could be better. Maybe a car that actually drives me places and doesn't smell like something died in it. THAT would make it better.

Ok, I recognize that complaining is only interesting for so long. So I'm done.

Besides, the week's not over. It's possible that something worse than raw sewage could be in store for me.

Britney Spears, here I come.