I think suicide bombings are so last season.

Fascinating when they first came out and all, but let's be honest, aren't they getting a little cliche?

Suicide bombings are, I suspect, like tongue piercings. At first everyone was really impressed in a "dude, that's gotta hurt" kind of way. But, like, now everyone's got a giant pokey metal thing in their tongue and all I want to do is walk around with a giant magnet and drag people around by their tongues.

I may have lost the metaphor in there somewhere. Yes, that seems entirely possible.

So here's what I'm saying:

Suicide bombers--Mohammed, Abdullah, Chip, Harpo, this means you--it's over. It was a blast (pardon the pun) while it lasted but you gotta keep up with the times. And let's be realistic, Allah's probably run out of virgins by now anyway. They are a fairly limited commodity.

You know how they say pink is the new black? Well, I think not-suicide-bombing is the new suicide-bombing.

Suicide bombing? I'm so over it.

Suicide balloon animals on the other hand? That's an idea I could get behind.