LESSONS I LEARNED DOING COMEDY ON THE ROAD:

1) If you smile a lot and giggle a little, people in the audience will send you as many shots onstage as you can possibly drink. I suspect they think that, if you drink enough, there's always the slim possibility that you MIGHT get confused and take your shirt off.

2) Don't say, "Is anyone from out of town?".

They're not.

NO ONE comes to these places from out of town. Except me. And that's only because they pay me.

3) Never date a road comic. I have noted that, whilst on the road, many will happily cheat on their wife/girlfriend* at the drop of a hat**

4) If you're doing 30 minutes of comedy and the audience hates you in the first five, you have two choices. You must either: a)"get them back" by convincing them you are secretly a comedic genius and were just hiding that fact from them for the first five mintes all the while dodging tomatoes and insults, or b) take off your shirt.

Sigh....this blog entry isn't really working for me. I think I'm going to stop right in the middle. Because you guys can't throw anything at me even if you want to. And I don't think that taking off my shirt will help at all. I'll try again tomorrow.

*I say "wife/girlfriend" as opposed to "husband/boyfriend" because so far I've only only worked on the road with male comedians. I think the fear is that, if someone actually booked TWO female comedians on the same night, something terrible might happen to the space-time continuum.

** Plus or minus the drop of a hat.