I did a show in Ohio last year and someone in the audience DIED during the show. Which was rather crummy. For both of us, I think.

Well tonight at the illustrious Boston Comedy Club, I looked out at the audience and this one guy had his eyes closed. My first thought was, of course, how depressing to go onstage at 1am for six people and have one of them sleep through your set.

But then I thought, "WAIT. Maybe he's not asleep at all. Maybe he's DEAD."

At first this worried me immensely. Another person dying in one of my shows? This is terrible.

But then I thought, "Hey wait, maybe that could be my COMEDY GIMMICK."

You know? Like every famous comedian has their comedy gimmick. Jeff Foxworthy has, "You know you're a redneck when....", Jerry Seinfeld has, "Did you ever notice....", Carrot Top has being the most annoying person ever.

Well my comedy gimmick would be:

Go see Jill Twiss and see if you make it out ALIVE...

(imagine this followed by an evil laugh.)

I would make millions.

People would place bets on which person wasn't going to make it through the show. They would buy tickets for their enemies to see my show and then just cross their fingers. It would be a great hit and I would be terribly famous.

But then the guy woke up. Turns out he was just sleeping.

Damnit.