A joke I heard on the radio today:

What kind of coffee did they drink on the Titanic?

Sanka.

OK, I know what you're thinking. Why, for the love of God, are you writing jokes that you heard on the radio and not writing your own jokes? Are you not a stand-up comedian? Are you not a comedy writer? And, most importantly, if you're going to steal jokes, couldn't you steal a better one than that? What is your problem, Jill?

The answer to those questions is this: I'm not funny tonight.

I'll admit it. Not even a little bit funny. If you'll notice, I wasn't really very funny last night either. It's been going downhill for a week or so. But I'm thinking it's distinctly possible that I'll be funny tomorrow. Or possibly a week from Tuesday. Or the year 2036.

I think what I need is a guest columnist. To come in when I'm feeling not-so-funny (much like the not-so-fresh feeling that they're always talking about on TV, but less icky.) If you want to be my guest columnist, let me know. Send me a sample guest column. If it's really really good then I might choose you to be the guest columnist.

More likely, though, I'll just steal the column and pass it off as my own.