I've decided to refer to the guy I'm dating as my "insignificant other." You know, because he's not that important.

Have you ever noticed that reporters all seem to secretly blame the weather reporter for the weather? They'll be like, "So Bob, when are you going to stop this rain?" or, "Well Bob, tell us when you're gonna get rid of this heat." I'm thinking it's gotta get to the poor guy after a while. I'm waiting for the day he snaps and starts blaming all the other reporters for their news. Like "Well fuck you, Jen, for the war in Iraq!" or, "You know, if Ben and J-Lo break up, I'm blaming you, Toni."

Sorry I haven't been writing. I've been upstate again teaching yet another stand-up comedy workshop. Here's my favorite joke from the workshop. It was written by a 14 year old girl:

"I think it must be tough to be a parent. I mean, sometimes you just have to lie to your kids. Like when they say, 'How did you and Daddy meet?' and you have to say, "Well, it definitely wasn't when we were really drunk at a party. And we definitely didn't explore the back of Daddy's convertible. And we definitely didn't get married because Nanny and Poppy found out you were coming."

Tee hee

At 5’1", I always feel some sort of moral obligation to date short guys. Because tall girls get so pissy when short girls date tall guys. Like we’re significantly narrowing their possible dating pool.

I feel like that when dumb girls date smart guys. It’s like, c’mon, the field is narrow enough as it is, must you take away one of the few prospects left?

I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes things funny. I used to be in this sketch comedy group with this guy named Dominick. He insisted that it was the presence of pain that make things funny. You know, like the Three Stooges hitting each other. Or, for a more recent example, think about all the Lorena Bobbit jokes. Dominick was a big jerk and no fun to work with at all. He was rude and mean and insulting. But he did get me thinking about this whole presence of pain in comedy thing. One day in rehearsal, he tripped and fell and broke his nose.

He was right. It was funny.

This is a true story. The other day as I was coming home from work, I noticed that the guys upstairs were throwing a recliner out of their window. Of course, I had to go up there and see what was going on. I mean, it’s not every day that people in my building are throwing their living room furniture out the window (maybe every other day...) "Why are you throwing your furniture out the window?" "Well," they said, "John said that if we threw the recliner out the window, it would definitely get stuck in the tree. But I thought that it wouldn’t." I had to know. "Did it get stuck in the tree?" I asked. His reply? "Not the first one….."

Wouldn't it be sad to be really fat and lose a lot of weight only to discover that you don’t have such a pretty face?

I got a beta fish the other day. I named him VHS. You know, so the other fish wouldn't think he was useless and obselete.