Apparently the United Nations has chosen Libya as the new head of their Commission on Human Rights. In related news they chose George Bush to head their Commission on Nepotism and Jeffrey Dahmer to head the Commission on Good Nutrition.

What's weird about alcohol is, not only does it cause me to share things that I would never share if I weren't drunk, but it causes me to preface them with, "You know, I'd tell you this even if I wasn't drunk but…….."

I don't think I'll ever understand hunting. I mean, why are you considered a better hunter if you shoot the BIGGEST animal? Wouldn't they be easier to hit? You know, surface area and all. I would be much more impressed if hunters shot really SMALL animals. Like squirrels, maybe. They'd be really hard to hit. And they're fast. Or maybe bees. Anybody who could shoot a bee would get major points in my book. Though they would be kind of hard to stuff and hang on your mantle.

The bad news is that every single time I really dress up and fix my hair so that I can go to something important, it rains. The good news is I'm starting to think I think I control the weather.

I'll never understand webcams. I don't understand why one person sitting in front of their computer, goes on the computer, just so they can watch another person sitting in front of their computer.

Sadly, I won't be posting brilliant bits of comedy for the next week or so. Instead I'll be in upstate New York TEACHING stand-up comedy to poor unsuspecting people. I will miss you all though. All of you. Individually. There will be tears shed. Perhaps even by me.

As I was walking to my voice lesson today, I walked by a Taco Bell Express. Now there's an idea that's a long time in coming. I cannot COUNT the number of times that I've been sitting having a four-course meal at a Taco Bell and thought, "This is great, if only they could make it FASTER." And now they have. Thank God.

Last night I was procrastinating getting anything at all done and I decided that visiting a chat room might be a good idea. The following is a verbatim conversation that I had:


waliafamily2000 (12:58:07 AM): ur me gf

Jill (12:58:36 AM): Yes. i'd imagine that lines like that work out for you pretty regularly in real life

waliafamily2000 (12:58:58 AM): i love u

Jill(12:59:25 AM): understandably

Jill (12:59:55 AM): as that we've connected so well online and all. love was, i suppose, inevitable.

waliafamily2000 (1:00:13 AM): ya

waliafamily2000 (1:00:17 AM): i love u

Jill (1:00:21 AM): so you said

Jill (1:00:30 AM): not that repeating it makes it any less meaningful

waliafamily2000 (1:00:44 AM): i love u

waliafamily2000 (1:00:44 AM): i love u

waliafamily2000 (1:00:45 AM): i love u

waliafamily2000 (1:00:46 AM): i love u

waliafamily2000 (1:00:55 AM): i love u

Jill(1:01:00 AM): ok, i lied. it is becoming slightly less meaningful

waliafamily2000 (1:01:25 AM): i love you

Jill(1:03:05 AM): ever heard of playing hard to get?

Jill (1:03:09 AM): sadly, i think i'm going to have to end this relationship

waliafamily2000 (1:03:18 AM): i am love

Jill (1:03:25 AM): i just need some space

waliafamily2000 (1:03:43 AM): no u love me

Jill(1:03:52 AM): it's not you, it's me

waliafamily2000 (1:04:03 AM): i love you

Jill(1:04:21 AM): you'll forget in time

waliafamily2000 (1:04:30 AM): ur add

Jill(1:04:37 AM): but we must both move on with our lives

waliafamily2000 (1:04:43 AM): u love me

Jill(1:05:07 AM): bye


And who says you can't find love on the internet?

A friend of mine recently informed me that she wanted to go to Soap Opera School to learn to be a soap opera actress. I did not know there was such a thing. Here are a few of the classes I imagine they teach there:

· How to play you AND your evil twin
· The Dramatic Pause
· Make-up: When Too Much is Not Enough
· Appropriate Things to Say When Possessed by Satan

Most people see musical theatre and think, "Why are these people singing and dancing in the street?" I'm sort of the opposite. I see a street full of people and think, "Why aren't they?"

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